


On earthlings and their eccentric ways

by notquitecreative



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Aliens, M/M, Tongue Piercings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-25
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2019-02-20 05:19:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13139886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notquitecreative/pseuds/notquitecreative
Summary: Very short one-shot about how Lotor needs someone to hit on in space and tries to flirt but discovers something about Earthlings from Lance and decides that humans are very werid.





	On earthlings and their eccentric ways

Lotor hasn’t hit on anyone since he’s been summoned back to rule the Galran empire- he’d been too busy trying to salvage the mess that his parents have made of the universe after all, and having difficulty fathoming how no one actually seems to go about their wars with any kind of locigal reasoning. 

His parents were crazy – they wanted to control everything in the universe and did a shitty job of ruling it in a dictatorship, while destroying any potential the planet had instead of utilizing it for the greater good of the empire. That didn’t mean that he sided with the rebel force either. Their power was so insignificant he could have crushed them so easily even without full command of his army, and besides those pesky Alteans and Earthlings might have the greatest weapon in the universe but run around goofing off and he felt that Voltron was in the wrong hands and was a severely underutilized potential.  
But that was before his followers betrayed him in favour of turning him in to his father so he was left with no options but to ally himself to Voltron. But then again, it was best to lay low for the moment- his plans are far greater than his parents or the paladins could fathom anyway. 

The point is, if he had anyone to hit on, he would. He might be in the middle of a war but that didn’t mean he had to suffer from blue balls through the whole of it. But his options were quite limited. He was stuck in Allura’s spaceship with no one to mess around with except for the paladins. 

Besides, Allura was as droll as his crew had been. She had never been one to get a joke and was always too serious. The big guy called Hunk seemed to be a good sport, but he was always skittish around Lotor and would never spend too much time in a room with Lotor if he could help it, and Lotor thought it was probably smart of him. 

Pidge he was slightly scared of. 

The little earthling was only about half his height but the way she looked at him as her glasses flashed under the lighting looked a bit as if she was trying to figure out his ulterior motives, as if she saw right through him and he could have sworn she was the one who kept trying to hack into his room’s passcode.  
The other two earthlings he knew he wouldn’t be able to get to. Keith didn’t trust him in the slightest, and while Shiro appeared to be civil towards him ‘to work for a common interest of bringing down Zarkon’, he was always standoffish, always in some corner talking to his boyfriend, the red paladin, or that’s what Lotor assumed.  
That left the Lance, and to be honest, Lotor quite liked his options. 

“Blue is an interesting colour.” Lotor said, leaning against the wall of the kitchen one night when he had heard pattering out for a late night snack. 

“Agh!” Lance looked startled, and nearly screamed, but then regained his composture and looked at him with a raised eyebrow, unimpressed. “What are you doing in the dark? Turn some lights on, geez.” Lance turned on the lights, and looked around for a bowl he could put his food in. He was wearing an Altean night robe with some comfortable slippers and he didn’t seem to perceive Lotor as a threat in the slightest. Interesting. 

“Besides, are you trying to get information on Blue from me? If that’s the case, I’m not saying anything. The lions are top secret information, and there’s no way in hell I’m sharing them with you.” 

Lance bit into a cookie and groaned in pain as it nearly cracked his teeth. He gave up, and poured himself some green goop instead. Lotor could relate. For all of Altea’s advancements in technology and science, it lacked in delicious cuisine. He did not know what Earth food tasted like, but he could already tell it was superior to Altean food. Lotor was glad he grew up on a Glaran diet. 

“I meant the colour.” Lotor said, sliding up to Lance, swirling the Altean alcohol he had poured himself a glass of a few moments ago. “Like your eyes. I’ve never seen earth in person but I hear it’s a swirling mix of beautiful greens and blues. Are all earthlings like you or are you just above average?”

For a moment, Lance stood there wide eyed, lost for words, as if processing the words that Lotor had said. Lotor let him have a few minutes to let it sink in. lance turned an interesting shade of deep red complimenting his slightly pale skin (paler than Allura’s anyway) and opened his mouth. 

“Are you hitting on me?” He asked, incredulously. 

“And if I am?” Lotor said, sliding up to him. 

Lance opened his mouth to say something, then closed it, as if he had forgotten how to form words. ‘I – that’s….” he raised his hands in a gesture, “ You-“  
“You’re a purple alien space prince!” Lance finally argued. 

“Well you’re just a small brown alien to me.” Lotor said, rolling his eyes. “Might have thought you would have gotten used to different life forms after all this time in space.” 

“Hey, I’ve met plenty of aliens, well… female aliens and they’re all pretty and nice and soft, unlike you. You’re kind of but not really the enemy and it’s kind of weird and why are you even up at this time of night anyway?” Lance agrued, crossing his arms. 

Lotor sighed. “I was simply accessing the fact that we’re stuck in a castle and logically the only people I might be able to crawl into bed with is you, without having to deal with complicated… ugh… relationships but if that’s not what you’re after then it’s perfectly fine. I’ll just have to wait until we land at some planet.” 

Lotor turned away, and downed his glass of Altean wine. 

“Now, hold on, I didn’t say I wasn’t up for it.” 

Lotor turned back, raising an eyebrow. 

“You…. kind of look like a girl if I squint.” 

“Really? Is this how we’re dealing with this?”

“One kiss. Then I’ll decide if I want this or if I’ll just go back to playing video games that Pidge installed for me.” 

Lotor smiled, triumphant. He set the glass on the bar counter, and moved forward, trapping Lance in between the bar counter and his arms. 

“Hey, slow down.” 

“Why? Are you uncomfortable with this?” Lotor asked, as he looked down on Lance’s face relishing the closeness of their bodies, faces and limbs without actually touching. He was so close that he could feel Lance’s warm earthling breath on his face, his skinny torso against the counter, his uncertain raise of a brown eyebrow. 

“No. Just….” 

Lance narrowed his eyes and then began to relax, and closing the gap between them, kissed Lotor on the lips. It was soft and chaste, almost as if he was a bit uncertain, but Lotor quickly remedied it, pulling lance closer by the small of his back and twisted his head so he could kiss him properly, opening Lance mouth with his tongue and deepening it. Evantuallly, lance eased into the position, and before long, Lotor was holding Lance’s waist, while Lance grasped at his suit, and Lance hungrily inserted his tongue into Lance’s mouth until…. 

Wait, what? 

Lotor immediately pulled away, a bit startled at the cold feel of metal in Lance’s mouth. 

“What the quasar?”

“What?”

“There’s a thing in your mouth! Spit it out!” Lotor demanded in urgency. 

For a moment Lance looked a bit confused, but then he began laughing, and Lotor couldn’t understand why. Lance was clutching his belly and laughing, and even as he did so Lotor could see the glint of metal in Lance’s mouth and for a moment wondered what it was doing there, and why Lance was holding it in his mouth. 

“You mean this?” Lance stuck his tongue out, and Lotor realized that Lance was not holding anything in his mouth, but instead had a piece of metal that protruded from the top of his tongue to bottom. Lotor could not help feeling horrified. 

“What the plasma is that?”

“It’s a tongue piercing. Don’t worry it’s just a bit of decoration.” 

“On your tongue? Are you telling me that you shoved a piece of metal through your tongue as an ornament? that’s horrifying. Do all earthlings have pieces of metal in their mouth?”

“No! I just got it because I thought it would be sexy. And no, not all humans have it. Keith has piercings on his ears, though, he just quit wearing them since the Galaxy Garrison. Probably one of the reasons why he was kicked out, people paid to get respectable men like Shiro to space, not teenage punks.” 

“I’ll never understand earthlings.” Lotor said, not knowing how to react to the fact that earthlings took pride in their self-mutlilation. Lotor realized that it was probably not the weirdest thing he had seen, Galrans themselves had pretty strange habits, but while they relished in destroying and colonizing, they at least, liked inflicting pain on others, not themselves. 

“So what? you didn’t like the kiss?” 

“That’s irrelevant. I’m retiring for tonight.” Lotor said, filling up his glass to take to his bedchambers. Yes, Lance was attractive, and he might consider it another time, but at the moment, he was being a little bit too informed about earth culture and he was tired. “And by the way tell that pesky friend of yours to stop hacking into my bedchambers. There’s nothing in there worth searching.” 

“I don’t tell pidge what to do things. She does what she wants.” Lance replied, smirking.. “Suit yourself then.” 

. . 

Allura was mapping out the best route to their designated solar system when she felt a dark presence behind her back and immediately turned around, ready to fight off any intruder that might threaten her.  
She then realized it was Lotor, and relaxed, well, relatively. 

“Lotor! Get out. You know you’re not allowed in the navigation room.” She snapped. She had endured with lotor for the sake of strategy, after a long discussion with Shiro, but that didn't mean she trusted him completely and would definately not want him anywhere near their battle plans. 

“I’m not here to steal your secrets, don’t worry.” 

Allura sighed in a long-suffering way. “What do you want now? And I’ve already told you I don’t know how to get milk from the earth-creature and if you knew anything about it you would stay away from it.” 

“No. Can I not simply enjoy your company? We’re both Alteans you know. Last of our kind. Sort of tragic, yes, but at least we have each other.” 

“No, I’m not interested.” 

“I’m not offering.” 

Allrua looked at her with a frown that suggestsed she didn’t believe a whit of it. 

“So about earthlings-“ Lotor started. 

“humans-“ Allura corrected. She sometimes made the same mistake herself but it did not take her long to learn the correct terminology. 

“They’re sort of insane.” Lotor replied, with the most troubled look on his face. 

Allura smiled slightly, unable to help herself. 

"That, I can agree with." She replied, laughing.

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a short lighthearted drabble because I imagined Lance with tongue-piercings. Thanks for reading.


End file.
